Santokh Uncle’s Favorite Vegetable and Live at the Podium

July 22nd, 2009 by Sikh Knowledge

Mahoke!

(if you can call where that’s from, im laughing with you)…

A close family friend of mine, Mr. Santokh Singh, is at the cardiological institute of montreal, after suffering a severe heart attack a few weeks ago. His vital signs are stable, and we hope he’ll make a full recovery.

This man visited me during my double herniation, and was so concerned for my well being, he offered me a vacation (!)…. He’s baller like that. He’s always been there for our family…

Anyway, he and my pops are boys…have been for years. So, naturally, when you’re in the hospital, you will ask your boy to do things like rotate the tires, make sure your kids’ schooling is on point, and some online banking…

my pops comes home and says to me, “your Santokh uncle gave me his account number and password to do some banking on the internet….how come it’s not working”….

(of course the internet is not working, right dad?)

So I say, what’s his bank?

“TD…”

Ok dad, it’s not working, I dont understand why there’s like 15 digits here, it says there should only be 6

“(Teeth Suck), enter this number correctly”

?!?! why would I enter it NOT correctly?

“just shut up, it’s this…############”

OK, but you just repeated the number 4 twice

“not 4, 8…”

what? They don’t even sound the same…

“###########”

OK we’re in. Dad, it says we have to answer a security question…what is your favorite vegetable? Do you know Santokh uncles favorite vegetable (laughing)

(with certainty) “Cauliflower”

(now, im cracking up) Dad, why would anyone choose such an answer? How do you even spell collie flower?

…I decided to play santokh uncle for a second and think to myself, if I were him, what would i choose as my fav vegetable, as a security question…Well, I needed to put on a punjabi accent…and further, i needed to trivialize the risk of my shit getting hacked, cause it would never happen ..as my dad and santokh uncle used to say “these people are stupid”, always doubting authority and security figures…

so i said to myself PO TAA TOE….Potato….

and we were in!

But straight up, i was happy i knew something else of my santokh uncle now..that his favorite vegetable was potato….

get well soon!

Check the new one…
Jay to the Eh on the break, Jay and Sikh on the takes….
—-> “at the podium

Sikh Knowledge Ft. The Montreal Expos…

July 17th, 2009 by Sikh Knowledge

Well, it had to happen at some point.

Funny story about Sikh Knowledge and Hip Hop…I first ran in to trouble when I was watching rap city on much music as a kid, and the end credits ran this particular instrumental. This motherfucker knocked my socks off and i knew my life wasn’t going to be the same.

Anyway, the Montreal Expos and I did this little joint on it to kick off the peak of summer …

http://www.divshare.com/direct/7935427-b83.mp3

(Montreal expos are those emcees in this track: Shogun, Karma Atchykah, Ill Mestizo, Jay to the Eh, Sikh Knowledge)
Arranged, and mixed by sikh knowledge at the bank.

Licks Licks Licks, Hipsters, K-Os Remix

July 16th, 2009 by Sikh Knowledge

I am not a proponent of domestic violence, in the least. Except maybe this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tfGULPOrik)

But, this is too dope. Especially since it’s the man that the family is beating up….This man was caught with another women. Presumably, the family of the wife started their own policing in the form of beats and licks on the man and the sketelle. Granted, we don’t know the details, BUT, we do know that they’re filming this shit, probably for proof at Punjab’s version of divorce court. What a gully thought. Where you’re guilty till you’re proven a man…probably.

Personally, I feel the punjabi community spoils it’s young men….Mother’s spoil their useless sons, thinking they’re kings, while they do nothing around the house and answer their cells on their 1 hour per sunday day of piety at the Gurdwara. Im not saying they suck because they’re not religious, im saying they’re wack regardless…in and out of the temple. I see you with your gold Kara and Acura, pumping the shittiest music out of england, speaking broken english getting into drunken accidents fucking up public perception of ME. You can also argue, I shouldnt give a fuck about public perception…oh really? I should care less about public perception…when the cops come to your house because you’re beating on your women, and they regale me with the story while im trying to have a police check done so I can work at the hospital, public perception is a little more complicated than just ignoring it. Stay home and think about how wack you are, the cracker chicks you love at the clubs can wait……prolly not, they’ll go for the brother waiting at the bar.

I say, show me a male worth my sisters and nieces, and I’ll be convinced otherwise. For now, I think my breaks are shot, when I see you crossing the road…you are not my chaa da cup.

So, to this link, I say, they were easy on this motherfucker. He’s so ugly, I just want to chain him to a pipe in a crawl space, and release spiders on him…..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7vCPokHwxI

I went walking with my boy chris on maisonneuve street near the village the other day. We cam accross this eclectic resaurant. I mean, you wouldnt have known it was a restaurant. We took a good 15 paces into the joint to ask what exactly popped off there…one wall was ornamented with every religious symbol you could think of while all remaining sides of the space were decked out in two tone chiffon and velour. All sorts of lights dotted the place and the owner greeted you with the force of a bad time in life…..

He warmed up to us…I thought the concept of the reastaurant was amazingly hilarious….He doesn’t know what he’s going to make you, or how he’s going to make it, and you have to finish your whole plate.

I ate there yesterday, and he gave me so much grief for some sauce left over….it was embarassing. Anyway, the resident hipster at this place told me he basically visited sikh temples to eat the free food….I thought that was so cheap and unattractive….

To all the beat heads out there, im sure yall know what it feels like when you come across some heat you orchestrated and forgot about…I just found this little ditty…

4321 – K-Os (Sikh Knowledge rmx)

The Umans, Nomadic Massive, How Im an excellent lover, and Khaled.

July 7th, 2009 by Sikh Knowledge

Last Saturday Evening I attended a Uman Family BBQ. Now, Im not sure if it’s a jewish thing but Ive never experienced so many simultaneous conversations…if you could see sound coming out of peoples mouths at the table, it would look like a a silly string war, where they were Michelle Tanners’ and I was uncle Joey, getting my come-upins…(is that how you spell come up ins?)

BUT, I love Uman family time…my family is also loud, not quite layered in conversation, but definitely loud. I had a delightful exchange of pleasantries with Granny and Bubbi…Bubbi is like Jack’s description of Mme Bijoux, from Titanic. Charismatic and Silver, with a turkey sandwich in her purse and a little ditty to sing….Granny is mad cute, with bad hearing….

I went to go check Nomadic Massive on Sunday at the Jazz fest with my friend Nic. I love seeing Tali smile on stage….it’s like the world righted a really bad wrong, or there IS a God in the heavens or something. Iunno, she makes the whole crowd warm and fuzzy. Narcy’s energy was up there. At one point he hopped accross the stage as if in a potato sac race. Hype as hell, NM busted verses in Portuguese, French, English, Arabic, and Spanish….Amazing vibe.

We bounced a little early to have some tea at the whitest sheesha jon on st denis, called La Hooka or something. St Leo was definitely in the house at that spot…I was the only one in my Keff, and the sound system blared misunderstood (the Kill Bill version)…Met up with Kelly Uman and Papu and some girl whose name no one could remember….at one point in my head, I thought her name was Monkey Wrench, turned out it was Rechni, which is totally Monkey Wrench if you think about it….anyway, Im right.

Why am I an excellent lover? Im real considerate, sweet, thoughtful, full of energy, and have a huge need to get off on the one I love…so, think about that.

My heart is still in shambles…I’ve been making my west indian infused usuals again….This one is called Khaled, it may or may not be for obvious reasons….

Will be on the next reel….

peep ça: http://www.divshare.com/direct/7851994-084.mp3

SIDENOTE: The Umans are not THAT Jewish.